If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
