Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
false alarm, still single
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
