You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize