We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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