shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
