i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So much rum. So many feels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's rum buckets o'clock
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