break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
