I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize