the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
