Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
