Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
