the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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