she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
