I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think people are normalizing furries
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
