I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
