Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
