It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
