i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
