There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
