I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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