She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
