so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
