Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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