Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
