it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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