She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
