Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
