Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
