Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
