I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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