You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
