i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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