he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize