5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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