Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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