:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
