Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
should my penis look like a turkey
So squirting runs in the family.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
