Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
