I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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