if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
