someone threw a dead crab at me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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