I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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