Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
