Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
