just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
