I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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