Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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