I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
