i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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