nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
