Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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