I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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