There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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