If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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