It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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