the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
