ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
