She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
