maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
