The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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