help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
