Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
