you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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