Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
