dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
