She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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