I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there was a trapeze. enough said
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
