I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
