well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
