watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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