I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
