google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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