I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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