We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you traded sex for a burrito?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
