Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
