So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
