We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize