Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
