I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
