that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
