I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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