I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
