oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
