I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
