I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
