I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
