I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
