he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
