look no pants
I just cut my nipple shaving
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
