I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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