We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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